Striving for Excellence

I strive to be an excellent parent. My own mother was sub-par so I have a bit of a handicap to overcome. I am always looking for ways to improve with books or parenting classes.

I am currently reading "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. So far it is really informative. It is also quite eye-opening to me about my parenting mistakes, and change-inspiring.

Chapter one dealt with children's feelings and the tendency adults have to discredit and brush off those feelings. Some examples are:
                                           
"You don't really feel that way."
"You're just saying that because you're tired."
"There's no reason to be upset."

We also as adults often address an angry outburst from a child with admonition and correction and neglect to give the child a safe place to express themselves and share how and why they feel a certain way.

"Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. [It] also teaches them not to know what their feelings are - not to trust them."

There are many ways people "listen" and respond to the feelings of others and these ways sadly do not really involve much "hearing".

Denial of feelings - There's no reason to be upset, you're being silly
Philosophy - That's the way life is
Advice - If I were you I would _____
Questioning
Defense of the other person
Pity
Amateur psychoanalysis

These types of responses often lead a person to feel defensive, devalued, judged and/or just plain pitiful and silly. The best response is one of empathy and understanding. Instead of denying a child's feelings or trying to explain them away, solve them, or shame the child for even feeling certain ways, its better to listen and acknowledge. The authors suggest the following:

Listen with full attention, meaning mute or pause the tv, put down that cellphone or book, turn away from the computer, etc.
Acknowledge their feelings with a word, such as "oh", "I see", "mmhmm", etc.
Help give their feelings a name, such as "that's very frustrating", "that can be overwhelming", etc.
Give them their wishes in fantasy, such as "I see you don't like eating vegetables, I wish we could eat ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner." or "I see chores really make you angry, don't you wish we could just let the dishes and dirty clothes pile up around us."

Every moment of parenting doesn't have to be a teachable moment. Sometimes a person just needs to be able to express their feelings without reproach and to feel they are heard and understood and not judged. Showing the children in your life that you value their feelings and are willing to listen to them without always judging or giving advice leads to better communication because they will feel safe.

I found the first chapter to be really useful. I have been using these methods with my two sons. Sometimes I do feel silly saying "You seem to be angry" to my child when they say something unkind or stomp up the stairs. Sometimes my first instinct is to admonish, "that's not nice" or "you may not stomp around". However, I do notice that when I acknowledge their emotions instead of attack their behavior, it defuses the situation and gets them to express themselves beyond angry displays and hurtful words.

To me, parenting is more than just controlling little people so they less annoying. Its about developing a relationship that will last a lifetime. Its also about the end product of well-adjusted, productive members of society. Listening to my children will also help them learn to listen to others.

Easy being 'green'!

I am all about green living! I do as much as I can and I involve my family as much as possible.  We compost to reduce our trash and give nutrients to the earth. We try to reuse many items like juice bottles and other containers. We recycle what we can't reuse. I keep the air at 78 (drives my husband nuts lol). I am conscious of water usage and try not to be wasteful. I also don't use any harsh chemicals for cleaning. I use vinegar and water for everything from mopping the floors, to wiping walls and windows and mirrors, to cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, too! Vinegar also dissolves sticker residue and is a great ant deterrent. Baking soda is amazing for tough jobs like the stove, toilet and bathtub. It even gets greasy fingerprints off my white kitchen cabinets. (White is the worst color for anything in the kitchen, am I right?) I no longer use bleach! This is huge to me because I have always hated bleach, the smell and the greasy residue it leaves on your hands, not to mention how harmful it is to plants, animals, and humans! I discovered I can soak my whites in the sun for a few hours in a bath of water and fresh-squeezed lemon, and then hang-dry them in the sun, and they come out amazingly white! I also use a lemon cut in half to shine my wood furniture. For dusting, I mix 1/2 teaspoon olive oil and 1/4 cup vinegar or lemon juice and wipe on with a soft cloth. Olive oil is also great for polishing stainless steel and even leather shoes! So many amazing cleaning uses for natural ingredients. Everyone should be converting to green cleaning, especially if you have kids.

I just made a great stride in green living by finally making my own laundry detergent and dishwasher soap. It was so easy! I consulted the great Google, lol. Here is the super easy recipe for powdered laundry detergent, courtesy of http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/home/make-your-own-laundry-soap.htm:

2 cups finely grated soap (I used 2 bars of our favorite bath soap, Dove, and a cheese grater)
1 cup washing soda (you can turn baking soda into washing soda by baking it for 30 minutes at 400 degrees)
1 cup borax

Mix well and store in an airtight plastic container.
Use 2 tablespoons per full load. Use white vinegar at start of rinse cycle.

I  washed my first load with it just this morning and I am very happy with it! My laundry smells great. I have been having a problem with mildew scented towels that no amount of washing would get rid of. The towels smell fabulous now! I already hang our clothes to dry, saving lots of money and electricity, and I feel complete now that I am using homemade soap, too.

I also made dishwasher soap from a recipe I found at http://www.diynatural.com/homemade-dishwasher-detergent-soap/:

1 cup borax
1 cup washing soda
1/2 cup citric acid (couldn't find it so I decided simply squeezing a lemon into the soap dispenser should work)
1/2 cup kosher salt (I used sea salt)

Mix all ingredients and store in airtight container. Fill rinse agent compartment with white vinegar.

I used my new homemade dishwasher soap last night and my dishes are squeaky clean! I'm thrilled to have finally made another notch on my 'green belt'. Next, I would love to make a rain cistern!

What are some things you and your family do to save energy and preserve our natural resources?

Welcome!

I am so excited to finally be blogging! I've always wanted to do it. And here I am!
Anyway, only 5 more weeks until our first day of school! September 3rd is the big day. I have been planning for 2 weeks now and I still have much to do. Last year I struggled with organization so this year I am going all out with binders and schedules and lesson plans and book lists etcetcetc. I have grandiose ideas and I am so excited to bring them to fruition. I will share it all here, dreams, ideas, inspirations, questions, failures, successes. Let the fun begin!